-Take Sixty Nine- Oh, Mr. Clown!

A couple of weeks ago, me and my friends decided to watch  ‘It’ based on Stephen King's novel ‘It’ which is about a clown with serious personal-hygeine issues ( he lives in gutters!) who kidnaps children and then probably eats them. Yeah.

           

              I’ve always been pretty scared of Clowns so I was kind of nervous before watching this movie, but OMG this Clown was so not scary. I mean, he was ‘scary-looking’ – all clowns are, but really, this movie was such a waste of time.  In the end, the ‘demon’ in the Clown’s body takes the shape of a spider which is later killed by the ‘Loser Club’  who are actually children, but 30 years later, when they are all grown up and stuff, they return back to kill Penny-wise (that’s the name of the clown), who is now a spider. Er…

      

        ANYWAY. If I were to direct a movie about CLOWNS, it would’ve been so much cooler. Obviously, there would be a Clown in it, who  is loved and adored by children. And then he starts to kidnap them one by one and turns all of them into clowns and form an ARMY OF CLOWNS. A.O.C! And the A.O.C decides to go for World Domination, turning all, who stand in their way, into clowns. AYMAYZAING.

             OR we could have a Clown Princess (hahahaha) who has lost her  sense of humor and then her Clown in shining armour( haha) rescues  her and her sense of humor by impressing her by his awesome-balloon-animal-skills and things like that.

            

                    OR we could have a teenage Clown who goes to a regular high-school and goes through a tough time , courtesy of the bullies. He’s made fun of and then cries himself to sleep every night and then eventually becomes a loner with no Clown girlfriend.

                OR we could have a twist in the story, that our teenage-emo-clown later in his life, meets a very pretty girl who is so smitten by his Clown-ish (not sure, if it’s a word)  acts,falls in love with him and then towards the end, shocks the Clown by telling him that she’s an undercover Clown herself! AW.

                  

Take Sixty-Eight : The Bragging Rights.

My Mother often likes to narrate stories from her past,like, how she was such a good girl who never complained about anything, whatever her parents gave her, she used to accept it with humility, they didn’t have much but they were thankful for whatever they had. She didn’t get new clothes everytime there was a party, siblings were cool with hand-me-downs. Life was simple and so were the people.

       Her life was the epitome of simplicity and it got me thinking, not that bragging is a good thing, but really, if these people had to brag about, what would it be? Here are a few possibilities:

•  My Chicken gave 4 eggs!! *super excited*
•  I bought a new bi-cycle *INYOURFACE*
• I bought another Cow. (Yes,a COW. Not a Car)
• I can kill mosquitoes,bugs etc etc by just looking at them.
• I know how to sew my own clothes. You DON’T know how to sew YOUR clothes, so I’m instantly so much more efficient than you. Oh!And I also know how to knit! HOWDOYOULIKEMENOW?
• I can write letters without making silly mistakes and people can actually understand what I’ve written.
• I can peel potatoes faster than you can say potatoes!
• I’ve sat on a horse-carriage 10 times.
• I know how to switch on the radio.
• I can make Paratha’s like there is no tomorrow.
• I can walk 8 miles in an hour,which is, impossible, therefore it elaborates my point even more.

Lol.

                            

-Take Sixty-Seven Morning Assemblies II

http://yumnainwonderland.blogspot.com/2010/08/take-forty-two-morning-assembly.html

This is a post,I had written about the notoriously boring morning assemblies which STILL are held at my college,EVERYDAY at 7:45 AM S-H-A-R-P. But this post, I had written from a student’s point of view, where my job was to just stand there stupid and notice other stupid people.

           One year later, I’m in the Student’s Council and NOW MY JOB IS TO MAKE ALL THE STUDENTS ASSEMBLE IN PROPER LINES. Sounds easy? NOT. Now I will write about the various encounters I have while ‘requesting’ sometimes, urging,pleading,begging students to get in line.

THE DEAF STUDENTS:

Me: Yaar line bana lo please.

The Deaf Students: ‘Haan phir usney yey kaha toh meiney kaha k usnay yey kyu kaha…’ –Yaar line bana lo- ‘ Han toh phir hum Movie daikhnay gaie itnaaa rush tha kay tumari souch hay’ –Yaar lineee uhh nevermind.

THE SMILING YET  STILL NOT GETTING IN THE LINE STUDENTS:

Me : Yaar line mey lag jaow

Them:  *standing in one position and smiling*

Me: Yaar line mey lag jaow.

Them: They slightly move,giving me the illusion that they are going and will now join the lines, I move forward and turn back to find them standing still.And still smiling. Oh God.

THE ACHA-BACHA’S :

Me : Line?

The Acha-Bacha’s : Chalo yaar line bana laitay hein.

MY OWN FRIENDS:

Me: Yaar tum loug toh line mey lag jaow at least.

Them:’ Lagay way toh hein ‘ and they say this while standing in a circle. Umm J

THE WE ARE TO COOL TO STAND IN THE FIRST ROW ONES:

Me: Could you please join this line? The bell has rung.

Them: They look at me,move towards the lines and then stop. And make a line of their own faaaaaaaaaaaaar from where all the other lines are made.

THE I’M EXCUSED WALAY STUDENTS:

Me: Line?

Them: ‘Who actually na merey paou pey chout lagi v hay’ pointing towards a perfectly pedicured foot in very pyaray chappals ‘toh mey line mey itni dair khari naie hosakti toh mey bench pey baithu gi’

THE STUDENTS WHO FORGET TO GET IN THE LINES:

Me :Line please!

Them: Han jatay hein.

Me: After a few minutes ‘Yaar meiney abhi apko bola line bana nay ka’

Them: Tsk (annoyed noises) Ja ray hein bhai.

Me:  ‘Hur’ –And then Miss President walks in and gives them a scolding and they hurry up-YAYY MISS TEE!

And sometimes, we have to make the morning announcements and the funniest part is that you get up on this little stage,the college admin.has set up, and you open your mouth to announce,whatever it is that needs to be announced, and all you see is a sea of vacant-empty-sleepy  eyes staring back at you,in your face. And sometimes, we have to make sure that the students don’t wear colored socks ( don’t ask) they are only allowed to wear white ones. And we have to deal with the dumbest most argumentative of the girls who will argue for about a good half of the first period that how their socks are not COMPLETELY colored, because they have two ‘white’ stripes in them.

-Take Sixty-Six : Big Bad BackBiter.

Since it’s the Holy Month of Ramazan, I was hoping I’d do a blog on some fun ways in avoiding one of the overly-done sins : Backbiting. Gheebat and earn some massive REWARD POINTS for myself!! YAY! After all, it is Ramazan, you can’t fault me for not wanting those extra-naiki points!


HOW TO AVOID BEING A BACKBITER :

• Every person has flaws, you have them too. Would you want other people to talk bad about you with other people? Naie na? Phir ap b mat kero.


• Everytime you feel as if your friend is getting on your nerves and you just want to diss about them…DON’T! Stop,even if you are in midsentence like for eg : XYZ is such a meanie,I don’t think she realizes but she comes across as such a selfish, rude … *gheebat*gheebat* STOP!

• I’m a Psychology student so I’m all for letting your feelings out, if someone is driving you nuts, don’t crack them, instead write about it, or say all those ugly things loudly ALONE. Makes you feel so much better. Catharsis, works like a Charm.

• Next time you have the urge to backbite, think about Sheep. Well,if they can put you to sleep, they sure as hell can bore you out of back biting.

• Think about the good things about that person, the good things he/she has done for you and you’ll realize that this person doesn’t deserve to be talked about like this.

• You think backbiting will get you the attention of your friends and make you the ‘jaan’ of your group? No. There are other ways of getting attention as well. Try setting your hair on fire…or something less extreme…like saying nice things about others?

• People who talk a lot, like myself, often just go on and on and on and don’t realize that they are actually dissing other people. Like I said, even if the realization sets in later that you are backbiting,stop IMMEDIATELY.

• Make up great slogans in your mind against backbiting like um.. ‘Backbiter,Backbiter, your pants are on fire and you might just end up IN fire’ and keep rehearsing them in your mind.

         
                  Normally when we commit a sin, we repent and we are forgiven. But this is not true for back biting, Allah does not forgive the one who backbites unless he seeks forgiveness of that person, whom he has been backbiting about. And it’s not something to be proud of, we all tend to back bite about others at some point and we do it without realizing it so if we go back down the memory lane and come up with all those people about whom we have said I-bit-into-a-lemon-therefore-I’m-a-bitterperson-saying-bitter things- the list would be endless, and we aren’t even in contact with some of them anymore, I mean facebook is an option, but how many times have we inboxed someone saying ‘ Listen,I have said pretty mean things about you behind your back and I hope that you forgive me because I did not know any better’ Have we? I don’t think so.

So now what do we do? Here’s a list of what we can do to make-up for all the backbiting we've done:

-Think about those people whom you are in contact and think if you’ve ever said something bad or hurtful about them, apologize FORAN!

- Saying sorry does not make you any less of a person,so just say SORRY!

- I asked one of my friends how to apologize to someone who is not there anymore ( this also goes for all those people with whom you’ve lost contact) so she said, then you can give sadqa with a neeyat that that person may forgive you, if Allah wills. Pretty neat ,huh? Note: As it is said that Back biting will not be forgiven unless you seek forgiveness of that person whom you back bited about, so I have to check if this Sadqa works for this or not? Even if it doesn't, Sadqa can and DOES get you reward points. It's a win win situation.


                        Okay, Gossip Queens avoid this terrible sin while you still can. Stay Blessed and Happy Ramzaaan 

Take Sixty Five- And Stalking is My Game.

Stalker- A Poem.



I’m a Stalker and stalking is my game,
Limited profiles make me go insane,
Stalking, stalking, stalking all day long,
Family, Friends, Random People-anyone you name,
I will stalk them without no shame,
Because I’m a Stalker and Stalking is my game.



Admit it. We’ve all done it. Stalking just for fun, sometimes because we are bored or simply we are just curious or because we are BORN THIS WAY BABY Stalking is basically done secretly, that’s what makes it creepy. That is why facebook never comes up with the ‘see who viewed your profile button’ because they respect the stalking policy . Sorry to break it to you, but ‘check who views your profile!Ican’t believe my ex- still views my profile!’ type posts don’t work.

There can never be enough reasons as to why people stalk on others---or even you!yes you! I’ve made a list of the different sorts of stalkers, I can come up with. Feel free to add more types in the comment section.



-Type A : The Specific Stalker- Tasveer Wala : Yes. He/She is only interested in your pictures. Your Albums, other photos you are tagged in,even video’s. You upload an album of 114 pictures, he will like every single one of them and then like the whole album, too- IF HE IS A BOLD AND FEARLESS STALKER (lol) If your stalker doesn’t want you to know, that he’s been stalking you (that’s most stalkers) then he will quietly go after doing his stalking- and maybe come back tomorrow—or after an hour.You think, no one would look at your 4 years old album, the one you’ve even forgotten about? Think again.



-Type B: The Specific Stalker- Dost Yaar Wala : Not much interested in you, but your friends? Yes! Esp the ‘cute’ friends with ‘really cute profile pictures’ . They get angry when they see the ‘Add me as a friend ‘ tab has been disabled. They will poke you instead and wait till they get poked back. Or not. Such stalkers don’t have much time to waste, if you aren’t courteous enough to poke-back, fine. Be that way. There are other cute friends too. Hater.



-Type C : The Profile Stalker: Very much interested in whatever you post on your profile. From Video’s to ‘what kind of animal are you’ type weird Quiz Results, to Status’s,to what other friends have written on your wall. ANYTHING you share on your profile, will be viewed by them. Even if it’s a dumb article about how a cat lost its voice. No, there was no such article,EVER. I’ve just made it up to elaborate me point.



Type D : The FrandShap Stalker- M^urD3R eY3s @L!, spends his days and nights thinking how ‘beauty’ ‘@nG3L 3YeX s@mI3’ is, totally unaware of the fact that she has put Megan Fox’s picture on her display. For all I know, @nG3L 3YeXs@mI3 can be a guy.



Type E : The Friend who has your password – Sharing passwords among friends definitely makes stalking easy. They stalk your inbox messages, even check the ‘sent ones’ they go in your friends profiles and then later quiz you about them. The stalking possibilities are endless.

-Take Sixty-Four. Super Powers.

64As much as it sounds like a rotten old topic, there is no denying that if we had super-powers( minus the sleazy outfits and red pants…well,we can have capes cuz I sort of like the way they move in air and it makes you feel so super-powery) our lives would be so much fun. What would these super-powers be and what would we do with them? Incase you’re in the dark here or not creative enough, here are a few suggestions.


A : FLYING: It’d be great if we could, everyday fly to and back from college,work,shopping etc This is a very environmental friendly super-power since it would lessen pollution, but probably the Birds won’t like you and maybe think that you are invading their ‘personal space’ as a result of which they would claw at your face and hair. Speaking of hair, you won’t even have to blow-dry your hair anymore, just flying high,in the sky, with ‘out of the shower hair’ will get you a hair do looking much like Marge Simpson’s. The benefits of this super-power are ENDLESS.

B : LASER-EYES. Food not warm enough? Aw. Just throw some handy-dandy laser rays on them and ta-da! Somebody getting on your nerves? That’s okay. Just zap at them with your laser vision and sing Queen’s song ‘ Another one bites the dust’ Coolness.

C: MIND READING: I don’t know, if many people would want this super-power cuz it’s a little complicated. People think all sorts of thoughts. Nice ones. Bad ones. Lame ones. Not so good ones. Disturbing ones. Omg-what-was-that ones. I wouldn’t opt for this super-power.

D : EXTREME FLEXIBILITY : Naaah. Who would want to be a Human elastic band? What is so cool about being able to twist and turn from every conceivable angle?

E : TIME- PAUSE : No, no. No rewinds, forwards. Just Pause buttons. I don’t really see how this is a good thing, but if someone is making a funny face and you want to laugh, you can pause it and laugh for as long as you want to. This has to be the lamest thing I’ve ever c…

F : INVISIBILITY : THIS ONE IS NICE! AND SNEAKY :) Imagine, being able to go to places where you are not allowed or invited or better yet, sit in between two friends and hear them talk bad stuff about you. That’s some good friends you got there. Or hear them say good things about you, not all friends are mean.Imagine scaring the socks-off people by carrying things in your hands, just to realize later that you are on invisible mode.

G : NIGHT VISION : This one can come handy esp. if you are living in Pakistan since there is no light here practically throughout the day, including night of course. But have no fear, for Night Vision is here to save you day ,I mean, NIGHT. Here’s the deal , 8:00 PM,no light. If you are luacky enough to have UPS or a Generator,well good for you. But what if you didn’t or what if it runs out of Petrol or Gas or Water or whatever it is that it runs on. Then? THEN WHAT’LL YOU DO? Only if you had NIGHT VISION you could make your way out and avoid bumping into objects and walking into walls.

H : WALKING INTO/THROUGH WALLS: Walking into/ through walls is not really a super-power but it’d be cool to be able to just run towards a wall or a closed door and BAM ( no, this is not you, hitting the wall,it’s BAM COOL WALA) and BAM you are in your room. Way cool.
 
            Which super-power do you want to have?

Take Sixty Three- USED TO BE COOL BUT NOT ANYMORE

The other day,I was listening to the radio and they were asking people to tell what things they used to think were cool, but when they grew up,they realized that...it's not. SO,I decided to make a list of things,people,' behaviour' which I used to think were cool, but really are not anymore.

-I used to think Pokemon was cool. But then I grew up and realized that watching weird creatures who only say  half their names,is not cool. Like  Pikachu only used to say Pika Pika and then Charmander only used to say Char Char and then there was Bulbasaur and Mew and then Mew 2 etc etc

- I used to think Wr!t!nGgs L1K3 th!$ Ww@$ tH3 B0omBxz. I admit,I used to spend HOURS trying to come up with the perfect nickname for my msn id, on MSN NICKNAME GENERATOR. Loved to embellish my names with weird symbols and signs. What was I thinking?

- I used to say 'like seriously' a lot. But later, when I saw people started making fun of them burgers, then I stopped. Good thing.

-Back in the days when we DID NOT have digital cameras, I really wanted to see how I look with squint eyes and twisted feet. I have a picture. Like that.

-I used to think songs from Salman Khan's TERE NAAM were cool. But before you get the wrong idea, let me say that it was totally my van driver's fault. He used to play them non-stop. I was bound to like them. I'm
innocent.

-I used to think those hair beads were cute. One on each side of your head. Allah Miya.



-I used to think Back Street Boys were cool. And I thought that for a longgggggggg time, but then they started making shitty music.

- I used to watch Star Plus drammas. Like Kasauti Zindagi ki, KaavyAnjali, Millie, Hello Dolly and Son Pari. Again this was not my fault, I just wanted to sound knowledgeable, all my friends used to talk about them,i didn't want to look or sound dumb.

-I used to LOVE GLITTER LIP GLOSS. And i'm not talking about the shimmery-light-glittery one. I'm talking about EXTREME GLITTER LIP GLOSS which would put KESHA THE GLITTER QUEEN TO SHAME.