Monday, August 30, 2010

-Take Forty Four-Over used words and phrases.

Today,I was thinking that how certain words and phrases have been overly used by all of us,over the years and some of them still have their charm,whereas others are just like,extinct now.

For example,remember how,as kids whenever we got into a fight or an argument we used to say 'Jo kehta hey woe hota hey'?OMG that was like THE COMEBACK of the century.And if you've been said 'Jo kehta hey woe hota hey' to your face then you better go and hide yourself in a cave.Or burry your head in sand,like an Ostrich.

Then I remember,when we grew up a little and we became a little modern and started using more modern day phrases and words like 'Tum toh Pagal ho!'.Telling someone that your a 'Pagal' was considered an A one insult.And now,we say 'Pagal' to everyone,not really as an isult,more like as a congratulatory word.

Then came those days when PowerPuff Girls were in they used to say 'You suck!' and we adopted that too.'Get out' or 'Go to Hell' came a little later.I remember that whenever somebody said the word 'Hell' back in my 4th Grade days,we used to be soo astonished and formed the badest of opnions about the person using the word 'Hell'.All day long we could only think about how bad and terrible that person is for using such a cursed word.We used to talk about it for weeks!

Then came the high school days when we couldn't get enough of lip gloss's and kajals and crushing on Pop Stars.And saying 'like seriously' after every word,and I mean EVERY WORD,was the in thing.'Get real' was another commonly used phrase.'Take a hike' too.The came the trend of saying 'oh shit!' after doing a wrong math sum,after waking up and realizing your'e late for school,reaching school and realizing that you've forgotten your Chemistry text book at home etc etc.

Point is,with time, certain words and phrases cannot be used by us without making us look really embarrassed.Imagine that if one of our Teachers is scolding us for not submitting the assignment on time and then calling us lazy and what do we say in return?Miss jo kehta hey woe hota hey!!

Friday, August 27, 2010

-Take forty three-Aey Bajii!.

While coming back from college yesterday,I noticed how loud some car horns are.Like,has anybody heard a Bus ka Horn?If you haven't,you should!It's not just an ordinary 'peeep-peep' its like the Godzilla of 'peep-peeps'.More like PPPPPPPPPPPHHHEEEEEPPPP PHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP. And some bus's have horns which play proper music!SERIOUSLY!Pura gana chalta hey!Trii eehehug pere trri taaari*

Basically,I wanted to talk about the beggars in this blog.And how constantly they annoy the *&&^ out of you.I mean,I'm no cold,mean,selfish person that I wouldn't give them money,I do.Honestly,I do.But at times,yaar banday k pass paisay ni b hotay,per woh loug samjtay he nae!Esp if the beggars see you in a uniform they go like:

Beggar Bhai : Baji,Allah K naam pey dey do,baji!
Me: *looks the other way*
Beggar Bhai : Baji!Aeyy Bajii *knocks on the window* Bajii
Me : Ughhh *slightly annoyed*
Beggar Bhai : Aey Baji,Allah kerey tu pass hojaye,achay number aye aey baji sun na *knocks on the window again* (A little louder this time!)
Me : Thinking*what's up with the signal?!?!* Kub Green hoga?Ahhh(Cuz I want to move from that spot ASAP cuz I feel guilty of not giving him anything!)
Beggar Bhai: *Still there* Bajii (Knocks on my window at the speed on 30 knocks per second)
Me: *still avoiding eye contact with the Beggar*
-Finally the signal turns green-Freeedom!Sorry.

Not very far,another signal.Oh dear,another red.I see another Beggar approaching.This time its a woman with a baby.
Beggar Bhen: Baji,kuch madad kerdo,Bacha bhooka hey.
Me: Looks at the baby very sadly*
Beggar Bhen: Baji kuch ni khaya subha sey(And as if on cue,the baby starts to cry)
Me : Genuinely feeling very sad and thinking how life is.Lost in the philosophy of life.
Beggar Bhen: Bajiiii
-Signal turns green and off we go- Which shakes me out of my 2 minute philosophies.Whoops.

Okay,we're driving.We get the next signal open.Good!yayy!Next signal.Ohhh!!Red.Hmph.This time,it's also a Beggar Bhen,but apparently she's not carrying a baby.And she approaches my driver,instead of asking me for money.Maybe the previous two beggars texted her saying k yey larki paisay ni deyti.

Single Beggar Baji:* doesnt say anything* just extends her hand (the normal gesture for asking money)
My driver: *hands her a 1 ruppee coin*
Me: sitting at the back and looking at all this *
Single Beggarr Baji: *She looks at the coin and as soon as she realizes that it's a one rupee coin,she gives it back to my driver*
My Driver: *stupefied*
Me: Woaaaaaaah.Attitude.

Tuesday, August 24, 2010

-Take Forty Two-Morning Assembly.

Despite our protests,we still have our morning assemblies in which a few girls from a specific class,come up on the stage,recite a few verses from the Holy Quran and then we have the translation of it,then a Hadees and then maybe a lame 'thought of the day' and finally the National Anthem.And sometimes the Principal even comes on the stage to announce which girl from which faculty has been suspended for what reason.

Anyway,I've been noticing how nobody pays attention to whatever is happening on the stage,everybody is so engrossed in their own thoughts that nobody even listens to what the girls on stage are saying.And the discipline teachers on duty,in the morning assembly,are stupidly annoying.And nobody listens to them either.Following is a brief scene of what USUALLY happens during the assembly:

Discipline Teacher No. 1 : Beytaa!Line mey khari hu,seedi tarhaa!
Random Attitude Girl: Yeah,whatever.
Disci Teacher No 1 : Tameez ni hey apko?
Random Attitude Girl : *Rolls eyes*

-The Girl on the stage starts to recite the Quranic verses,usually people listen to that,out of respect which is a good thing.After that's over,lets continue:

Now another group of friends in another line,talking.

Girl No .1 : Aray pata hey kal kia huwa?
Girl No.2 : Kia huwa?
Girl No. 1 : Mey kal shopping k liyey gaie thi aur itni garmi thii aur itna rouza lag ra thaa k bus mey kia...

Now another group of girls,making fun of other girls:
Girl No. 1 : Omg!Us larki ko daikho!
Girl No.2 : Alllaaah!She's so weird!
Girl No .3 : *laughs hysterically*
Girl No. 1 and 2 : *laugh hysterically together!'

-Girl on the stage:Today's thought of the day is 'Be kind to...*voice fades away*

Another group,the studying kind:
Random Nerd Girl No. 1 : Yaar!We have a physics test and u guys didnt tell me!
Random Nerd girl No .2 : Yar!Mujhey khud ni pata tha k aj physics ka test hey!I was too busy doing my Chemistry numericals when the teacher announced.
Random Nerd Girl No. 1: Oh God. *panics* ab kia hogaaa? (she usually gets the first position,but she still has to panic)

Discipline Teacher : Ssshhhh! *nobody listens*

Another Girl.Just one Girl.The Lost Kind.
Random Lost in her own thoughts girl: *siggh*

Another group of girls-The Cheapri's.
Random Cheap Girl No.1 : Aye hayee,tere phone kaha tha kal?
Random Cheap Girl No. 2: *laughs*
Random Cheap girl no .1 :Aray hans kyu ri heyy?*laughs herself*
Random Cheap Girl 2 : Tujhay kia hey mey hansu ya you *laughs again*
Random Cheap Girl No. 1 : Scratches her head*

-The Girls on the stage are getting ready for the National Anthem now.Pak Sar Zameen..

Another Group of Girls-The Burger Kind.
Burger Girl 1 : Whaddap?
Burger Girl 2 : Like,nothing.Sup with you?
Burger Girl 3 : Like omg what is that teacher wearing?
*all 3 burger girls turn around to see what the Teacher is wearing'

-Qaum ul Saltanat...(national anhtem continues)
Burger Girl 1 :Omg.that is SUCH a last year print!
Burger Girl 2 : She looks hideous!
Burger Girl 4 : Like Oh My God totally!

Another group of girls-The Sleepy Kind.
Sleepy Girl: Yaaawwwwn.
Random Girl: Kesi Ho?
Sleepy Girl? Mey *yawwwn* theek *yawwwn* tum?
Random Girl: Um..

-National Anthem Ends-Sayyai, khudae zul jalal.

Another Group of Girls-Is the teacher present today kind.
Girl No. 1: Yaar did you see the Economics teacher?
Girl No .2 : Noo!
Girl no. 1 :Allah kerey aj na aie hu yaaar!Buhat pakati hein!
Girl No. 2 : aray woh ri tumari Economics ki teacher!!
Girl No. 1 : Shit Yaaar!

-Now the Principal takes the mike and says something about how girls are bunking classes-'Assalamoalikum Girls,I've been recently informed that lots of you have been ...*

Another Group-The swearing words kind.
Mean Bully Girl no.1 : Hey Bi***,whats up?
Mean Bully Girl No. 2 :Nothing,B***h whats up with you?

-The Principal continues-So,please girls,do not bunk your classes,if I hear another word about you people bunking I will ....

Another Group-The Scared,nervous kind-
Nervous Girl No. 1 : *hyperventilates*
Random Girl: Are you okay?You look a little pale?
Neverous Girl No. 1 : *speaks in a barely audible tone* I'm fine.*looks here and there.

-The Principal is still going on about something,now she's talking about how lots of girls are coming so late in the morning.

Another Group-The Gossip/trend Group:
Girl 1 : Aray did you hear about what happended to ABC after her mom found out that she was having an affair!
Girl 2 : Omg no!what happened!
Girl 1 : She took her cell phone!
Girl 2 : Haye beychari!
Girl 1 : I know!!
Girl 3: Hey did you guys hear Beyounces latest song?
Girl 1 : naye yaar,Ramzan hey!
Girl 3: toh kia huwa?

-Principal finally stops.And all of us go and report to our specific classes.

Tuesday, August 17, 2010

-Take forty one-72 Hours.

How much would that be? 3 days.Exact.
My eldest niece got an essay topic in her school and she had to write an essay about what she would do or she would spend if she got to know that she has only 72 Hours (3days) more to live.

And that got me thinking,how would I spend the last 72 hours of my life. It’s a morbid thought, but still, really if I had to do it, how and what would I do? At first,I thought that maybe I’d spend those 3 days crying over the fact that I have only 72 hours more to go then it is Sayo Nara,World! Then I thought maybe I’d finish off those hours in panic and getting worked up and sad. But no. That’s not it. My last72 hours would be spend some what like this :

DAY 1 : READY!SET!GO!!:Maybe 1 or 2 out of those 72 hours, I’d spend crying because I would really miss my family and friends when I’m not here. But I’m not gonna waste time crying when there are so many things to say and do and so many people to talk to! I’ll start with my family, since they’d be the nearest to communicate ( Time is money here,baby!) I’d tell them what a wonderful family they all have been and I’m very, very fortunate to be a part of them.Then I’d ask them to pray for me and then I would pray a little myself.

With the family done, I’d move on to my friends, I’d send everybody a text message telling them how I have only a few more days to go, I would call up the closer friends and hang out with them a little. We would talk about all the fun times we’ve spent, all the teachers we made fun of, our crazy songs, our acts of randomness-Then I’d ask them to pray for me and then I would pray a little myself.

After I’m not here anymore,I wonder who’d be the lawful owner of all the great stuff I own. So I guess,preparing a will would be the next wise move. Most of my things would and should be given to my sisters and my sister-in-law ( they can decide what they want and what they don’t, but Im guessing my bhabi would like to have my clothes, and my eldest sister would like to have the bags and my shades and maybe my makeup too [that’s pretty much everything :p] my second eldest sister,is such a sweetheart that she’d probably wouldn’t want to take anything and would let everybody else take whatever they want,my jewelry would be taken by my nieces (or thei r mothers,depends lol) and my brother would want to have my camera and that’s pretty much it.He’s not really into shoes and bags and all that )

The rest of the stuff and my remaining pocket money should be donated.To whom,that I leave upto my Parents. After that, I would ask my driver or maybe if my brother is in a good mood to take me to seaview, I’d smell the smell of the beach for the last time,I would feel the sand under my feet for the last time and dip my toes in the water for the last time.And maybe even see the sunset.Later I would eat dip shop ki ice cream. And then return home.Then I would pray a little and try not to cry and go to sleep.

DAY 2 : BREATHE-STILL HAVE 1 MORE DAY LEFT: I would wake up extra early ( remember how time is money?Yeah!) I would pray and watch the sun come up and then start off my day and spend it with my favourite kids(Qandeel,Dua,Arsalah,Bushu and Hiba) We would laugh and play and eat and sing poems ( Wait,before u get the wrong idea,I don’t have a thing for poems,it’s just that these kids,they are really young [except for Qandeel who is a teenager and she doesn’t really do poems] and the rest of them really like singing weird ‘imabarbiegirl’type songs and ‘iloveyouyouloveme’ type poems. And if it makes them happy,I’m up for it. We would take pictures and put them on facebook or just put them some place. Then I’d ask them to pray for me too and then pray a little myself.

I would try reading The Kite Runner and The Twilight Series in just a few hours. I’ll go directly to the good parts and skip the un important ones.Then,maybe I would drop in for a little while at my college too and would meet up with my Teachers and tell them how sorry I am for talking so much in each of their classes,despite their millions of warnings- Later,I would put on my nicest clothes and go out to eat with my family-

Then I would post a blog here.About my second last day.Then later, I would try to listen to as many of my favourite songs I can. I would update my status on fb saying ‘ About to leave forever-Have any last things to say?Don’t waste time and write them here!’ Then I would play GEM SWAP 2 for the last time.I would stalk random people for the last time.Then maybe,if I’m really,really lucky I’d politely request somebody to take me to the Karachi Airport because going there always makes me happy. Then I would come back and pray and then go to sleep.

DAY 3 : NOOOO : My last day here. I would again remind everybody of how wonderful they have been to me throughout these years and if I’ve hurt them,intentionally or unintentionally so,please forgive me and blab la yada yada all the random stuff u usually say before dying. Then I would pray.I would pray a lot this day,considering the fact that today really is my last day.Then maybe I would plant a tree too lol

Afterwards,I would throw a huggee party inviting everybody and we would all talk and talk and laugh and have a good time. It’s my last day so having a good time is key here. Then I would see if anybody could take me for a ride in a Helicopter because I really,really want to sit in one before I die and today is all I have.

After the grand party,I would go into my room, I would write each of my family member and a few of my friends a last note [just one sentence each-time naye hey zaida!] then I would pray,pray for the last time.I would write my last blog thanking how nice everybody has been and how patient everybody has been for keeping up with these lame posts-Then later,I don’t think I’d like to sleep,I would think a little,pray a little more, let go of all my fears, expectations, judgements-everything. I would forgive everybody[Yes,people,focus here is on dying with a light heart!].And hopefully, not notice when my eyes close –Forever.

Friday, August 13, 2010

-Take Forty-Pakistan Zindabad!

Everybody,living in Pakistan would be pretty much aware about the fact that this year we are not celebrating Independence Day-14th August-How can you be celebrating when half of your country is literally under water? But that doesn’t mean that you just sit and complain about what a messed up country it is, and how bad the Government is and how they are not doing anything for anybody. I wish such people would stop blaming others for the problems,out of which,half of them are created by themselves. Don’t these people see the good things happening in our country? Can’t they see the efforts we’re making for providing relief to everybody who’s in trouble now and whoever was in trouble? Don’t we always come through for the people in their hardest times? Don’t we? And if we only plead for help from other Countries too, that doesn’t mean that we can’t do anything ourselves it’s just that the damage is on a really large scale and we need all the help we can.

Pakistan is a wonderful country with some of the most amazing people ever Abdul Sattar Edhi,Dr. Israr,Gullgee,Sadqain,Jehangir Khan,Imran Khan,Naseem Hameed,Arfa Karim,Babar Iqbal,Ali Nawazish,Dr,Affifa Siddiqui,Dr. Abdul Qadir,Shehzad Roy and the list goes on and on.What Im trying to say is that people shouldn’t give up their hopes about Pakistan so easily when so many amazing people have been here and so many young and talented people are coming alone. And are probably here to stay. Some of the people here these days have the same attitude as those who used to say that Pakistan would not be able to last even months ater its creation and look where we are now. Okay,agreed that we hit lots and lots of rough paths over the time, but who said that life had to be all Roses ? And so what our Political leaders are not there for us when we need them the most? At least WE are here for each other. And I would really appreciate if all of us would stop comparing our country and ourselves to other people.Ooh look at China!Such hard working people!Ohh look at them!Ohh look!-China is a great country(and our best friend),no doubt, but we are not China. Ever heard of individuality?

Lets face it.After 63 years we aren’t exactly where we should’ve been and lets face it that the chances of ever getting another Jinnah or an Iqbal to lead us ,are pretty slim. So its really upto us. We ARE Pakistan. We are it. We need to be honest with ourselves and honest about our work,it’s easier said than done, but it’s a start. WE NEED TO TAKE THE FIRST STEP. We can’t let the sacrifices of our forefathers go down the drain like this. We need to unite,we need to stand up. And if we fall again, we need to stand up and join the race again.

I wish all the Pakistani’s who sit and complain would stop and think for a minute about how ungreatful they are being to a country who has given them so much-They say What has Pakistan given us? It’s given you an Identity-A sense of Belonging. I love Pakistan,this is my country and I will never abandon it.Never.Pakistan Zindabad.

P: S I Salute the Pakistani Army who works so hard for us.And I salute the rest of the Pakistani’s too who make Pakistan such a wonderful country.May Allah protect our country from all the bad times and the bad people who want bad things to happen for us. May Allah help us in putting an end to Terrorism and restore peace here once again.A very,very big Ameen.

With faith, discipline and selfless devotion to duty, there is nothing worthwhile that you cannot achieve.
Muhammad Ali Jinnah

Wednesday, August 11, 2010

-Take Thirty Nine-What makes me happpy!

About a minute ago,I got this grand idea,of writing about what are the things that make me happy.They are quite a few actually.The thing which makes me the most happy is when I see my ghar ka darwaza,after a long,tiring day at college.OMG At that moment,I'm just out of my mind happy!And you know,what makes it even better?IF THE ELECTRICITY IS THERE WHEN I COME BACK FROM COLLEGE!Score!
Another thing,which makes me really happy,is having a good laugh with anybody be it a friend or a family member.Make me laugh and I'll be your friend forever(Either that or give me Oreo's I'll be your friend forever then too :p )I also get really happy when little baby's smile at me-If they don't and they frown at you instead everybody makes fun of you saying 'O dar gaie tumay daikh key [Insert Fake laughter here]'.Hmph.Getting good marks is also another thing to get excited about.Getting good marks at a test for which u were totally UNPREPARED,is even better!
I go looney toon happy when I see cute,furry,cats.I'm not really a movie person,but whenever I do watch a good movie that gets me happy too.A good book,definitely raises my spirits.Listening to Patriotic songs on 14th August or even 23rd March also makes me really happy.My all time fav Pakistani Patriotic ganay aray Terey Bina dil na lagay-Fakhir,Aey Jawan-Awaz,Yey hi Zameen-Vital Signs. :)
Since it's Ramzan tomorrow,(yayy!)waking up really,extra realy for Sehri makes me happy too.I dont know why,but instead of being 'Omg-I can't-wakeup-and-my-eyes-are-totally-glued-together-and-Ima-hit-u-if-u-talk-to-me' person,I'm the exact opposite!I love it when my Neices tell me how much they love me.And I absolutely adore them when they make me hand-made cards saying how much they love
Basically,what gets me really very,really,really happy is when I'm about to sleep at night,and I think about the entire day-If it's well spent,if I did something good,if I made somebody else happy,then that's really it.With the feeling that God has given me the best of everything,the best of friends,the best of family,literally everything-is one thing that makes me truly happy.

P:S Ramzan Mubarak,everybody! :)

Sunday, August 8, 2010

-Take thirty Eight-Promisesss!!

We’ve all had those times where,on impulse,we end up making promises and then if you are an early bird you would start regretting them a day after,or as soon as you realize that maybe,promising that was not one of the wisest decisions of your life.
Like for example,a teacher asks,a room full of students who would volunteer to ‘desgin’ (mostly its drawing and painting stuff but they use the word ‘desgin’ to make it sound more formal)the time table chart for her.And you being the eager bird,shoot your hand up and go’ oooh miss mee!I’d love too!I love drawing flowers and stars!’ But heres the catch,your teacher doesn’t want you to draw stars and flowers,no sireeeee!She wants you to draw THE BUILDING OF YOUR COLLEGE or something equally complicated with lots of angles and lines and angles of definite measurements-
Or another example,two teenagers discover they are in love.Ah,such a wonderful feeling,where everything looks like a dream and everyday is filled with happiness and you consider yourself the luckiest girl/boy ever,when every other romantic film makes u think that the lead couple,is exactly,same to same,not an inch of a differene,exactly like you and your sweetheart.And then,lost in the ashes of time…wait!!whaaaat?!?Sorry,I started writing the lyrics to Inxs ka Afterglow,lovely song,isn’t it?Oh,yes coming back,as I was saying,lost in your fairytale you end up promising things like how you both would marry each other and each other only,how both of you are meant for each other and each other only and how both of you can travel across the world and not find someone as amazing as each other.Aww.
And a year later [Most cases work this way,or if your’e lucky you ACTUALLY do get married to them and keep your promise too,I’m talking about thepeople who don’t make it through] all you can think about how wrong you were to think that you both were the same and even if you die and get a chance to live again,you would never want to marry that person,EVER,and how you were so wrong to think that you both could travel across the world and never find a person like him/her-Across the world?You can find a substitute,and a better one at that,for him in your neighborhood!-Daikha?isi liyey kehtay hein k in fuzool k chakrou mey ni parna chaiyya-This is the inner-I-told-u-so-person-talking :p

So,my point here is that,you should only promise things which u can deliver-which you are sure,that you can do it because when you promise something to somebody,if not much,they do start to expect a little from you and when you do not meet their expectations,it hurts them.I’m not trying to say that you steer yourself away from promising things,completely,but only promise stuff that you know,that you are sure of-rain or shine-that you’ll do them.

Happy Promising !

Tuesday, August 3, 2010

-Take Thirty Seven-To Go Or Not To Go.

So,yesterday and the day before that,I was burried in my books,notes,papers,journals,registers-Why?Because I had a PSYCHOLOGY GRAND TEST scheduled for TODAY i.e WEDNESDAY.Tuesday was off cuz 'karachi K halaat buhat kahrab thay aur saray talimi idaray band rahay gay'.Finally,yesterday,by 3 in the afternoon,I was done with everything-I was prepared and totally ready to get it over with.SO,next morning i.e TODAY I woke up bright and early only to discover my Mother coming up to me and saying something.Here's a bit of the conversation we had.
Ami : Beyta,aj college jana zarori hey?
Me : Jee,mama aj GRAND TEST HEY PSYCHOLOGY KA warna apko pata hey mujhey koi janay ka shouq ni hey.
Ami : Beyta,bahar halat buhat khrab hein,gariya jala ray hein firing ho ri hey,Abu keh ray hein aj mat jaow.
Me : Ami per meyra test hey aj!I HAVETOHAVETO go.
Ami: Mey keh ri hu na koi janay ki zarorat ni hey ( See,how the pyar bhara 'beyta' disappears)
Me : Lekin Mama I have to go!
Abu : Beyta tumara Board ka paper hey?
Me : Naie abu lekin test toh hey na!
Abu : Toh Miss baad mey ley lein ge,unay ni pata k kiya halaat hei karachi k?
Me : Lekin Abu Te..
Ami Abu (together): Koi zaroorat ni hey janay ki,dobara sou jaow,kal jana!
Me: Ummm...

Then,I took out my cell phone and typed a frantic message about how Im not coming and sent it to all my friends,whom I had texted earlier last night saying THAT I WILL BE COMING.
And now,I'm sitting infront of my laptop while my mind is constantly thinking about How I shouldve gone today and also thinking about what the Teacher will be saying tomorrow.Not only that,I have to REVISE everything I had learnt yesterday.
Good Grief.