-Take Fifty- Nursery Rhymes Gone Wrong.

We all remember them. How can we forget? We all memorized them by heart, regardless of the fact whether we understood them or not. But now that I’m all grown up and stuff , I realize that if we had some sense back then, we would be questioning all the poems. Don’t understand? Read along and maybe, you will.


Exhibit A : Ba Ba Black Sheep,Have You Any Wool?Yes Sir,Yes Sir, Three Bags Full. One For My Master, One for the Dame and One for the Little Boy Who Lives down the Lane.

Sheep can talk? Ba Ba Black Sheep is obviously the name of the Sheep here. It is the one answering all the wooly questions. I think the Sheep must be just saying Bah Bah-Like you know, the common sheep language, I think it is the Boy or the Man (supposedly the Farmer. Could be a business man too. Or maybe a Tailor.) who is apparently an expert at understanding sheep talk. Neat!


Exhibit B : Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star.How I wonder what you are? Up above the World so high,like a Diamond in the sky.

I’m pretty sure, that this particular poem was written by a Female. Why do I say that? Well,she see’s Diamonds, when she looks at the stars. Diamonds. Diamonds. Diamonds.


Exhibit C : Old Mc Donald had a farm, Eeya Eeya Yo. And on the Farm he had some Cows.Eya Eya Yo. And a Mo Mo there and a Mo Mo here. There Mo, Here Mo. Everywhere Mo Mo. ( Insert different animals everytime you sing this poem eg Goats, Horse, Chicken,Ducks etc etc)

Old Mc Donald really liked farming. I’m willing to bet he was very rich, I mean look at all the animals he has on his farm. One word. Farmville. If Old Mc Donald had access to computer, on his farm ( I’m not sure,computers even existed at that time) and if he had a Facebook account, he’d be the Undisputed Lord of Farmville with a kazillion neighbors all willing to ploug his land for him, collect the chicken eggs, sprinkle fertilizers on his crops. Etc. Etc.

Exhibit D : Mary had a little lamb, little lamb,little lamb, Mary had a little Lamb, its fleece was white as snow. Everywhere that Mary went, Mary went, Mary went, Everywhere that mary went, The Lamb was sure to go. It followed her to school one day, school one day, school one day. It followed her to school one day. Which was against the rules. It made the children laugh and play, laugh and play, laugh and play, it made the children laugh and play to see a Lamb at school.


Mary was probably a bad student. You know, not doing her homework on time,skipping classes, getting really bad grades, telling lies to her teachers, stealing lunch money from other kids-I mean, why else would she bring a Lamb to school and distract the other children? What an evil plot! And I’m pretty sure the Lamb suffered from low self esteem-with all the children pointing and laughing at him. Poor Little thing.

Exhibit E : Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall, Humpty Dumpty had a great fall. All the Kings Horses and all the Kings Men, could not put Humpty together again!

For those of you who remember Mr. H Dumpty’s picture, he was drawn like an egg-shell. Like his face was like an egg shell with two legs, and if he fell from a wall and the King’s Men tried putting him together, I’m guessing the King’s Men were pretty stupid, trying to fix an egg shell! What the? And Horses? How are Horses going to help put the Egg Shell Pieces back? Why didn’t the King just come down at the place where this accident took place and insert a NEW EGG SHELL instead of the broken one?

Exhibit F : Itsy Bitsy Spider, climbed up the water spout, down came the rain and washed the spider out, Out came the sun and dried up all the rain and itsy bitsy spider climbed up the spout again.

Now, Imagine if you were Itsy Bitsy. First,you put in all this extra effort in climbing the spout and this rain comes and washes you down. You are again where you started from.
Itsy Bitsy+Hard Work+Climbing +Rain Comes+Itsy bisty going down= Angry Spider.
Itsy Bitsy+Waiting for the sun to come out and dry all the rain+ Still waiting+ Waiting+ Yawning= All this waiting makes Itsy more angry.
Itsy Bitsy+ Finally Sun comes out+ Dries up all the rain+Climbing again+Putting in effort again= Angry and Tired Itsy Bitsy.

Exhibit G : Row, Row, Row your boat,Gently down the stream. Merily, Merily ,Merily, Merily Life is but a dream.

This one has to be the most philosophical poem ever. Life is but a dream. Imagine. You going through all the bitterness of life and one day you wake up and realize, Good Lord! It was just a dream! I should have just rowed my boat instead. Hmm.

-Take forty nine- Stop and care.

I just came across this group on fb which said ‘ You get hurt the minute you start to care’ and I was like wth, man? If caring was so bad, nobody would actually be doing it then ,now,would they? I wonder why people always potray positive things in such a bad manner. Like I came around this line ( maybe again on fb since most of the things I come across, are from there) too that ‘ I stopped caring because you don’t appreciate it’ Okay.Fine. I admit it feels really bad when you care for someone and they couldn’t really give a damn about it. But why should it stop YOU from being a nice person?

I guess,we never really stop being a nice person. We do care. Always and forever. Sometimes,we show it a lot, it doesn’t get appreciated and then we stop, but we don’t really stop. What I mean is, that even if someone is really bad and mean to us, and hurts us and KEEPS on hurting us from time to time (lol) we don’t stop. We do say ‘enough,already!I’ve had it with you’ or ‘just get lost and don’t bother talking to me again’ but that’s not really it. We do stop talking to that person. We do get lost or make the other person lost (really,depends on who’s fault is it and accordingly you decide who has to get lost) but face it: There is always some feeling behind the words ‘I don’t care’
Mostly it’s love, but it doesn’t always have to be love.

Hate is a pretty intense feeling too.
I love my contradictory posts.

-Take forty eight-MOODS.

For the past few days,I’ve been having some serious major mood swings,for no apparent reason and I got this grand idea of blogging about the different kinds of moods,all of us,or maybe SOME,or maybe a FEW of us, go through. Lets start!


-THE OMG I AM SO PISSED MOOD.

A: PISSED FOR A REASON : Probably the most famous one ever!Where you are pissed off maybe cuz someone told you, you don’t look nice, or maybe some teacher insulted you, or maybe your parents grounded you, maybe you were to call someone and you ran out of credit,or maybe your boyfriend didn’t comment on your fb status and now you are all cranky about it. Or maybe if you are somebody like me, you are pissed off because out of the 100000000 pictures you took of yourself, none came out the way you wanted,kahein ankh band hey,kahein baal urr ray hein.UGH.Here’s a demo.

Subject (the one with a bad mood!) : I AM SO PISSED OFF.
PARENT : Why?
SUBJECT: Because my boyfr…I mean uh…aisay he.Choray.
PARENT: Ajeeb.


B: PISSED OFF WITHOUT A REASON:This one here is really hard to figure out. You get irritated and annoyed for no reason at all.Here’s a demo.


SUBJECT: Ughh..
CLASSMATE: Kiya huwa,yaar?
SUBJECT: Ughh kuch ni ughh.
CLASSMATE: Mou kyu utra huwa hey?
SUBJECT: Kuch ni.Aisay he. (you are telling the truth!U don’t know!But no one believes you,which ultimately pisses u off even more!)
CLASSMATE: Batao na!I’m your friend! ( Okay,so this classmate probably doesn’t even know your full name and suddenly she’s your best friend?)
SUBJECT: Kuch ni huwa.
CLASSMATE: Mey kisi ko ni bataou ge.
SUBJECT: ARAY? MEY BOL RI HU NA KUCH NI HUWA!KIYA HEY TUMAY?SAMJH NI ATI BAR BAR POOCH RI HO KIA HUA KIA HUA?HATO YAHA SEY PAGAL KAHEIN KI *&@#*#&#!&@!&@!!#(!!
CLASSMATE: :/

- The HAPPY Mood:

This one is a nice mood.You are happy,with or without a reason,works fine both ways.

HAPPY(REASON)

Subject: I AM SO HAPPY!
BestFriend: I KNOW! IAM SO HAPPY THAT YOU FOUND THE RIGHT SHADE OF LIPSTICK!ALLAH HUMESHA TUMARI ISI TARHA MADAD KERTA RAY!AMEEN!
Subject: AWW THANKS YAAR! Hehehe (random weird happy laughter!)
HAPPY (WITHOUT A REASON)
Subject: HELLLO EVERYONE!
Friends: Wah bhai!Bara acha mood hey logou ka!
Subject : haan yaar hahaha
Friends: hahahahaha

THE I CAN’T STOP LAUGHING MOOD:

I love this one.Very closely realted to the ‘happy mood’.Where everything and anything seems ridiculous to you.

SUBJECT: hahahaah OMG Uskay baal check kero!hahahaha
FRIENDS: HAHAHAHAHAH OMG YEY KIA HEY?HAHAHAH
SUBJECT: PATA NI!HAHAHAHAHA AND SHE THINKS SHE LOOKS SO HOT!HAHAHAH
FRIENDS: BEYCHARI HAHAHAHA
SUBJECT: ISAY KOI BATA K AYE K YEY KITNI (*@#&*&#&@! LAG RI HEY
FRIENDS: HAHAHAHA
SUBJECT : HAHAHAHAHA
FRIENDS: HAHAHAHA
SUBJECT : HAHAHAH STOP IT NOW HAHAHAHAHA
FRIENDS: HAAHAHHA I CAN’T STOP HAHAHAHA
SUBJECT : OMG HAHAHAHAHAH CHUP KERO SUB HAHAHAHAAH
FRIENDS: TUM PEHLAY CHUP KERO HAHAHAHA ARAY USKO DAIKHO HAHAHAHA
SUBJECT: OMG AB YEY KOUN HEY AHAHAHAHAHHAHAAH
FRIENDS: PATA NI AHAHAHAHAH
SUBJECT AND FRIENDS : HAHAHAHAHAHAAHHAHAHAHAH

-THE PHILOSOPHICAL MOOD:

This one’s really profound,you know where you go in deep,deep thoughts,just like that.

Friends: Toh na phir blala blaa blaa haah and then haah blab la bla phir meiney kaha blab la hahah
Subject : Hmmm (gearing up for the philosophy)
Friends: Toh na…kiya huwa yaar?(finally realizing the far away look in your eyes)
Subject: hmm..sigh* kuch ni.
Friends: Is everything okay?
Subject : I want to know the meaning of life.I mean,why are we here?Are we here to fight and kill each other?Why are we here?What is the purpose of our being?Why do we fight amongst ourselves? SOMEONE PLEASE TELL ME!
Friends: *silence*
Subject : What is the meaning of our life? (repeats the question to make herself sound more serious)
Friends: CHAL NIKALLLLLL. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHHHAHAHAHAH

- THE EAVESDROPPING MOOD:

I don’t know why,but its so much fun to listen to what the other people,sitting close to u, are talking about.

FRIENDS: HAHAHA PAGAL HO KIA HAHAHAH?
SUBJECT : (NOTICES THAT THE GIRLS SITTING NEXT TO U ARE TALKING ABOUT SOMETHING)
OTHER PEOPLE: SO like,in my old school,I was like really really popular u know like seriously.And I was dating this guy who was like my senior like omg
SUBJECT: (HIGHLY CURIOUS NOW)
FRIENDS: HAHAHAHA NAYE YAAR ARAY DID U FINISH THAT ASSIGNMENT?
SUBJECT : SSHH (then you make all sorts of weird faces to make ur friends understand k ‘aow iski batein sunay’)
Friends: THEY GET IT AND NOW EVERYONE IS QUIET,PULLING OUT THEIR BOOKS AND JOURNALS AND TRING TO LOOK VERY BUSY,WHEREAS EVERYBODY HAS THEIR EARS ON WHAT THE ‘PAAPOOLAR GIRL’ IS TALKING ABOUT.
OTHER FRIENDS: AND THEN OMG I GAVE MY CELL PHONE TO MY MOM SO THAT SHE’D BE OKAY WITH THE FACT THAT I HAVE A BOY FRIEND.U KNOW,KUCH PANAY K LIYEY KHOUNA PARTA HEY!
SUBJECT AND FRIENDS: *unable to stay quiet anymore* HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

THE I CAN’T UNDERSTAND ANYTHING MOOD:

You know how at times you don’t get anything.You don’t get jokes,the secret nicknames your friends have kept for other people (and teachers) and you just downright out of the loop.

FRIENDS: ARAY HAAN HAHAHAH
SUBJECT: KIS BAAT PEY HANS RAY HO?
FRIENDS: AUR KAL DAIKHA THA UNKO HAHAHA
SUBJECT: MUJHEY B BATAO YAAR
FRIENDS: MISS *&&% K JOUTAY ALLLAAHHH HAHAH
SUBJECT: KOUN HEIN MISS *&&%?Mujhey b batao!
FRIENDS: HAHAHA EIK MINT BATATEY HEIN HAHAHAHA
SUBJECT: Batao na yaar,mujhey b hansna hey!
FRIENDS HAHAHA Yaar wohh jo hein naa hahahaah
SUBJECT : *silence*.



THE DEPRESSED MOOD:

A lot of reasons could be held responsible for this mood.Not doing well in studies,not being able to make friends,okay u made friends but u don’t get along with them,nobody understands your ideas.

SUBJECT: YEY ZINDAGI B NAA…
FRIENDS: Kiya kya huwa tumari zindagi ko?
SUBJECT: Bus yaar na pocho.Tang agaie hu mey is zindagi sey.

-THE MUFT KA MASHWARA MOOD:

You see someone depressed and immediately u start advising her how she should get over it and try to look at the brighter side of things.

SUBJECT : YAAR AISI BAAT NI HEY.TUMARI LIFE ITNI B BURI NI HOSAKTI.ITNAY SAREY AISAY LOUG HEIN JO TUM SEY ZAIDA BARI PROBLEMS MEY HEIN.FLOOD WALOU KO HE DAIKH LO.AGAR WOA DEPRESS HU TOH SAMJH B ATA HEY.TUMAY KIA MASLA HEY?TUM APNI ACHI QUALITIES PEY FOCUS KERO.BURAY KHAYALAT MAT LAO APNAY DIL MEY.

-THE BORED MOOD:
The most frequent one.You can’t run away from this.

SUBJECT: AMI KAHEIN CHALTAY HEIN MEY BUHAT BORE HORI HU
PARENTS: JAO KHANA PAKAO,BARTAN DHOU FORAN BORIAT KHATAM HOJAYE GI
SUBJECT: NAYE !YEY KAISAY KAAM HEIN?Mujhey aur bore ni houna!
PARENTS: ACHA TOH PHIR TUM KOI SEWING AND KNITTING KA COURSE KYU NI JOIN KER LAITI?
SUBJECT: :/

I’ll write about more moods.I have to go and study now.lol.BYE!

-Take forty eight-MOODS.

-Take Forty Seven-Stop it.Really,it's not amusing.

I find it not at all amusing when I see other people esp Pakistani’s making a joke out of everything.Why am I saying this?Just yesterday,I saw Mr.Altaf Hussain really,really sad over his friends ( and a very important member of his political party) death. Okay,the way he was going on about it,did seem a little dramatic and he couldv’e behaved in a more subtle manner,but there is no need of making up weird jokes and sms’s about his behavior.Did it ever occur to you,that he maybe he really DID feel sad?Maybe he really WAS that heart broken? No. I’m sick of people ridiculing Meera for her English. Leave her alone for Gods sake! What has she done to you?No,really?What has she ever done to you?She is her own person;you are your own. Since when do you judge people on how well they speak English? Of course,there are her innumerous scandals and all, but I just don’t understand why everyone has to make and poke so much fun at her? Isn’t she a Human being too?Or are you all too farigh to notice that you have a life,try to do something with it,rather than just going on about her English or whatever.

Meera is just one of many examples,I’m sure there are other more examples too.All of you seem to be missing one important fact: They are Pakistanis too. You being a Pakistani won’t respect them,people living out of Pakistan won’t either.

And then all of us talk endlessly about how Pakistan has such a bad image abroad.Riiight.So,shut up and stop ridiculing every other person you come across.

-Take forty six-Please don't kill me while I go down the stairs.

One of the most exciting moments ( depends, really how you look at it, for some it is exciting, for some it is horrific, for some it is just…well,they really don’t care,so moving on…) of my entire day at college is when the bell for the last period goes off. Oh.My.God. Girls,from every imaginable corner emerge,shouting on the top of their lungs, chasing each other,running,screaming,throwing empty water bottles at each other,while the teachers who are also walking with us, tsk-tsk us all the way to the gate.

We get off at 2:00 PM Sharp. And we have like 3 floors in our college,WHICH ARE HUGEEEEEEEEEEE FLOORS.With winding stair cases and never ending corridors. Since, I belong to the Arts faculty,all our classes are on the top floor,with the exception of Psychology which is on the 2nd floor, but our last period is ALWAYS on the top floor,so what does that mean? You start walking and try not to get run over by other people who are also walking and you pray silently that you don’t trip over the steps of the stairs and you hope to reach the college gate in one piece with all your books and bags intact.. It is no less than an adventure.

My friends and I, like to travel together-whenever and wherever possible. So, when the last bell rings, all of us like a pack of wolves (really decent wolves) take the stairs together. We start together,but I don’t remember if there was ever a time,when all of us friends made it till the last floor together. We usually get separated somewhere amidst the shouting,and pushing and shoving and everything else in between.

Just today, my friend and I were walking together,going down the stairs and we were talking, and suddenly I remembered something I had to tell her and on impulse I was about to hit her on her arm when I realized that my friend had been replaced by some teacher of the Science faculty.I had no idea where she came from,she was there and my friend wasn’t.

On the ground floor,we have this HUGE,WIDE stair case,that leads up to the floors above.In the morning and in the afternoon,everytime we have to climb those stairs,it seems like either we are going to make it to the headlines in a newspaper ‘GIRLS IN COLLEGE, AFTER BEING PUSHED DOWN THE STAIRS AND THEN BEING WALKED UPON TO THEIR DEATH’ All the girls are like ‘JALDI KERO-CHALO B NA!’ ‘ KIA DAIKH RI HO?KISKA INTEYZAR HEY?OYE HOYE HOYE’I want to punch them in the face. And they are some who walk so SLOW.I want to punch them in the face too.

The only good thing about the stair cases being so over crowded and the girls being sooo rowdy is that sometimes,you just have to stand,you don’t have to walk,you just stand at one place and you are pushed and pulled so hard,from the back,from the left,from the right,that before you know it,you are at the gate.Thankyou,girls.

-Take forty five-Eid Shopping.

I've been staying over at my sister's place for like 2 days now.I came friday afternoon,then on Staurday we went to Gulf for shopping.Now personally,I don't like shopping.I HATE IT.It is just so annoying,roaming here and there,getting your foot stepped on by so many other people.So,basically,I save money and then make a mental list of all the things I want to buy and then one day,I go out in the wild (not literally) and shop.
I had made my dress for eid,in july,I always want to be prepared before hand.I hadn't bought any shoes,I had no jewelry,no shoes,no bangles.I felt incomplete.Now the sisters,who's place Im staying over,is OBSESSED WITH SHOPPING.She loves it like anything,so she told me that when I'd come over she'll take me.So off we went to Gulf,after 12:30. I half dreaded the fact that when we'll go everything will be closed,and our coming here would be a complete waste of time.

Anyway,so we bought bangles,and earings and rings,and shoes and I was really happy that i was getting everything I wanted!I WAS SO HAPPY.Then,my sister was making her daughters try on some shoes,while I just stood there,awkwardly looking at people.I had nothing to do.I noticed this girl,clad in a bhurka and she was holding hands of this ajeeb sa looking guy and OMG they were creating such a scene,acting all lovey dovey in such a private place.The girl was literally dragging the boy with him and the boy...well,he just let himself be dragged.The girl was holding a few registers and I just assumed that maybe both of them were in the same class or something and maybe they got off early today so the girl decided to make the guy go bankrupt.

I was still looking at them,noticing what they were doing,what they were buying.My sister was STILL making her daughters try on shoes.I noticed how the guy was trying to convince his lady love to try on some bangles and the girl was like 'yey achi ni' and I was like,Uhhh...

I told my sister about them and she was like where?who are u talking about?I was like baji!there!Can't u see?My sister was like maybe they are married,how do u know that they are not?I said,how do u know that they are?Kheir,they went away.And we continued shopping.

Then we came across this shop which HAD AMAZING CLOTHES and needless to say I fell in love with this beautiful dress.It was for 2200 rs.Then we went away,still shopping but I couldn't forget the dress.I wanted it.I told my sister,I had enough money to buy it so lets go and buy it.She agreed.We reached there,I,very conifdently made the shopkeeper show me 8-10 other dresses like that and finally settled on the one he had shown me sub sey pehlay.I told him to pack it,he did that.And I opened my bag and OMG I just had 1800 rs and I WAS LIKE WHAT THE?!?The dress was for 2200 and I was short of money.But my sister came to my rescue,and we bought the dress,thus saved from all potentional embarrassment.


So what did I learn from all this?I learnt that before u say,'haan bhai,yey wala dey dein' be sure to count your money BEFORE that.Not AFTER it.